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April 6th, 2022

It's April 6th, 2022

Happy Wednesday, and thanks for reading The New Yak Times!

Read the Oliver Charles update to learn the 5 SHOCKING truths about craft fairs.

But first... the weeks top stories are:

• Elon Buys Twitter
• Federal Legalization of Weed
• Amazon Unionizes
• April Fools
• Oliver Charles Update

Talking Points:

• On Monday, Elon Musk announced that he had acquired 9.2% of Twitter for about $3B. Immediately, the price of the stock jumped about 27%. This means he's already earned more than $800M on the trade.
• The announcement comes after Elon posted a poll questioning Twitter's moderation policies. The poll read, "Free speech is essential to a functioning democracy. Do you believe Twitter rigorously adheres to this principle?"
• On Tuesday, the CEO of Twitter, Parag Agrawal, also announced that Elon would be joining the board of directors.

Talking Points:

• The House passed legislation Friday that would legalize marijuana nationwide. The bill will allow the government to collect tax on the sale of cannabis, decriminalize it, and create a process for expunging previous convictions.
• The bill passed the House 220-204 and will now head to the Senate, where it faces an uphill battle. Democrats would need all of their members and 10 Republicans to overcome a 60-vote hurdle.
• Last year the legal weed industry generated $25B in sales and is expected to reach $65B by 2030. If passed, the federal tax rate will be 5% and will eventually increase to 8%.

Talking Points:

• Last week, Amazon warehouse workers in Staten Island voted to officially unionize. The final count was 2,654 votes in favor and 2,131 opposed.
• The movement was led by Christian Smalls, a former manager who brought together a ragtag group, raised $100K on GofundMe, and did the impossible.
• Amazon is against unionization because its warehouse model is built on very high employee churn. It's easier to hire new people and train them vs managing long-term employees.

Talking Points:

• Friday was April Fools Day. I was a little disappointed. It really snuck up on me, and I didn't get a chance to do anything.
• I think April Fools Day is the most fantastic marketing opportunity of the year, where all kinds of brands predictably launch fictional products.
• I'm convinced that most people go through their lives observing things and thinking, "haha wouldn't it be funny if this happened." It's one of the few commonalities that connect every human. April Fools Day is when brands can tap into this emotion and exploit it.

Oliver Charles Update 

The best part about craft fairs is that we get to meet past customers.

There's no better feeling than having someone come up and tell you they bought a sweater at a previous event and love it.

This weekend we went around and tried to learn more about the other vendors...

What I found will SHOCK you!

1. 75% of the people in attendance are actually actors being paid to promote other vendors' products "organically."

2. Big Craft is easily bribeable. Want a spot closer to the front of the fair, just slip them a few artisanal candles and some vintage jeans. You'll be right in the front. Prime positioning.

3. 30% of all the vendors are jewelry companies owned by multinational mining conglomerates trying to offload leftover metals.

4. Many of the products are actually made by hand, just not the hands of the person selling them. A well-exploited loophole in the system.

5. Vendors are ruthless and will do anything to get an upper hand. The craft game ain't for the faint of heart.

Thanks for reading, please share. Seriously.

If you found this email funny, we'd appreciate it if you forwarded it to a friend or colleague. If you did not find it funny, we'd appreciate it if you forwarded it to an enemy or colleague.

Meme credit is due to the following accounts. If I missed someone, let me know!

@oliver.charles.clothing
@moistbuddha
@fourtwenty
@trashcanpaul

Finally, please send us memes!